"Falling in Love is like an obsession with me, and I had been going through one of the loneliest periods of my life because of the ephemeral company I'd been keeping...I needed the "love of my life". I needed to die for love, to live for love, to fall apart for love." (p123)
This made me think of how in the novel, Yocandra throws around the concept of "love" without ever really knowing what it is. I believe she fills the void left by the changes done to her life (due to the revolution) with sex and she tries to justify it by saying that it is "love". For in fact, in this quote she admits that it is an obsession as a result of her loneliness.
Her "love" is superficial, and she falls in love at first sight. Her lovers use her and her body, as she uses them for their bodies and the way they make her feel. Are her sexual acts a form of rebellion? Her sexuality being part of her identity, something that she still has a slight grasp on. Or is the sex she has so pleasurable that it takes Yocandra to an alternate reality...a place with endless nourishment?
She is ultimately looking for the kind of experience that will define her. Love is a lens through which we imagine difference--someone is completely different (or we, in love, imagine them to be different) from somebody else and that is why we love them. They stand out from the crowd, from the masses. Her sexual acts may be seen as a form of rebellion but also as a kind of search--a quest for her own identity, perhaps.
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